News we've been praying for!

I got a phone call 7:30 Monday evening from my nurse coordinator at Cedars-Sinai. Benito and I were watching tv in bed so I put it on speakerphone and proceeded to hear the best news I've heard in a Long time...
The lung transplant team hired on a new person that has experience working with petitions to unos so she and the team have been working extra hard for the last month to get all my records re sent along with another petition letter to ask that unos make an exception in my unique case so I can be brought up the heart list where I actually have a chance of getting organs instead of waiting at the bottom while my lungs fail. As of Monday evening I'm officially listed on the heart list as a status 1B instead of my previous status 2! What does this mean...
I am told I have approximately 7-10 people waiting ahead of me at Cedars as a status 1A and the majority of people are men who will require larger hearts for their transplants to be successful. I on the other hand can accept a woman's smaller heart or even a man's large heart because of my CF barrel chest. My nurse coordinator told us that my call could potentially come at any time now... It could be tomorrow or January, but it's no longer a question of whether I'll get organs anymore, it's only a question of how soon it will happen. Before hanging up my coordinator told us that he didn't want to say that they had given up on me, but they really did not know how they were going to make sure I got lungs in time. They are really excited about the change as well. Such a great feeling knowing my transplant team cares so much about me and my future.
This new change in listing placement also means that I will still be able to donate my own heart to another Cedars-Sinai patient waiting for their gift of life. As it was, we were looking at me having to wait until my heart inevitably began to fail due to the stress my failing lungs are placing on it then and only then would we be able to attempt to bring me up the heart list. That's all changed now, thank God! It was such a difficult thing to ask God for my heart to begin to fail so I could get lungs... My prayers have been heard and something else came along that made it possible for me to get my transplant while still being able to donate my heart to someone in need. God is GOOD, you all!! Whether you're a believer or not, it's hard to ignore that there has been a higher power at work here...
I lost a very dear friend from high school this last week to a heart attack of all things... I can't help but feel like my friend Andrew was part of helping make the impossible possible. With the help of the amazing team at Cedars-Sinai, my UCD doctors with their persistence in getting Cedars to not give up, and my wonderful friends and family, I've been given HOPE again!! Thank you all SO much for all your prayers, donations to my transplant fund, love, but most of all, thank you for your faith in my ability to persevere through all that I've been up against this last 18 or so months. I get my strength from you and your love and faith in me. Thank you! 
Meanwhile Benito and I are making sure we're going to be ready for that call to come any day now! :-)
Stay tuned!

We did it! It's official!!

Three days after Christmas and one day before my 33rd Birthday I have some wonderful news to share! My coordinator at Cedars-Sinai called me this afternoon to say they finally got the insurance approval and I'd be officially on the list for a double lung and heart transplant starting this afternoon! Because my heart is healthy and I need a heart for anatomical reasons only I'll be on the heart list as a status 2 (it goes Status 1A, 1B, then 2). My coordinator said my wait will be anywhere from 3-12months, but I have several things going for me that will hopefully help me get offers for organs sooner. Benito and I are packing a "go bag" so all we have to do is pack up some oxygen tanks for the trip and get on the road. Benito has my login info and will be updating my blog along with both of our Facebook pages so everyone can follow along with my recovery once I get the "call". Thanks to everyone who has donated toward my Transplant fundraiser, prayed for us along the last year of trying to get listed, but most of all thank you for all the love you've shared to help us get to this point. We could not have gotten to this point without the help from you all. We LOVE you all!! XoXoXo If you're interested in donating toward my transplant fundraiser you can do so on my GoFundMe page at: Click HERE to visit Leah's GoFundMe page!

 

We're getting close!

Hey peeps,

I have the beginning of a migraine coming on, but I just woke up after getting home from LA after 1:30am and wanted to give you all at least some kind of update before this migraine surely takes over the entire rest of my day.

Basically the docs and team have been discussing my case a lot ever since seeing them back in March. Because this is more than just a double lung transplant, which in their words is "easier", and I'm looking at getting a double lung and heart while donating my own healthy heart, they are all trying to look at Anything that could lead to complications post surgery. They want to be as prepared as they possibly can and let's face it, I have a pretty complicated health history. They want me to come back possibly next week sometime and see their liver specialist because they are concerned about my liver fibrosis (stage 3) being an issue later and they really don't think I could pull off a double lung, heart, AND liver transplant. It would just be too hard to recover from all at once. 

So given their liver specialists okay, and getting a couple more records sent over that we somehow overlooked until yesterday, they are "mostly" sure they will be able to list me. They will discuss my case on Tuesday of next week at their weekly meeting, then will have to bring my case up again at their heart transplant team's weekly meeting. They also mentioned possibly doing a Bronch of their own just because my anatomy has changed since the Bronch video they have was made... That being my completely closed off airway and collapsed lung, all on the right side. 

While there yesterday I got to meet with the nutritionist, pharmacist, social worker, coordinators, and a couple different doctors. They'll want me to meet with the surgeon still and hopefully that can be done next week while I'm there for the liver specialist. They also had me do a chest X-ray of their own so they can get an idea of my chest cavity size (needed so they know how large the donor lungs can be) and they drew a Ton of blood (I lost count after 12 vials) that will mostly help them check my antibodies against the donor's, but there are some vials they took to check on the health of my kidneys, liver, etc.

That's all I can remember for right now. I'll be trying to sleep and rest the rest of the day today while Benito is at work trying to get caught up after being gone for two days. He's amazing and never once puts himself (and his need for rest) before others.

So I'll let you all know when I have more news. Thank you all So much for Everything!! I can feel all those prayers and love helping. XoXo

Cedars-Sinai consult update

First of all, I wanted to let you know that I'm trying to figure out a way to upload the Bronch video to show those of you who are interested in watching it. I tried uploading it to YouTube, but it told me after the 20min long upload that the video couldn't be published. If anyone has a suggestion for a better place to upload a 5 minute long iOS video I would be forever in your debt. Thanks! Now, on to our previously scheduled program:

I owe a much anticipated update about my Cedars Sinai appointment to you all... This is going to be long and may be hard to understand, so please let me know if you have questions after you've read through it.

My amazing friend Michael Adams, whom I met 11-12 years ago on a CF forum, has been speaking on my behalf to the lung transplant team at Cedars Sinai (where he got his double lung transplant 12 years ago). When I found out that UCLA was not willing to meet with me after seeing my bronch video which shows the extent of the stenosis issue I am struggling with, I was devastated. I had already been told by all the other lung transplant hospitals in CA that they were not willing to see me for different reasons, but "you're too high risk" was becoming a very familiar answer. The one hospital that didn't dismiss me immediately was Cedars, but when their financial department called me to discuss insurance coverage before scheduling a consult appointment I was told they do not accept Medi-Cal (a government assistance insurance coverage that I've had all my life). At that point I didn't see how I would be able to even see what Cedars' transplant doctors thought about my high risk issue because I couldn't be seen simply because of my insurance. Insert my friend Mike and his ever insistent love for Cedars and his friends. He began speaking to his transplant coordinator, doctor, and even surgeon there at Cedars whenever he saw them, or emailed them on a regular basis telling them that he had this friend who has been turned down everywhere else and he just KNEW Cedars would do whatever they could to help me, only my insurance was an issue. So one day Mike sends me a text message and says that Cedars wants to see the bronch video I'd sent to UCLA. I could send the video and have them review it without actually having to be seen there first. Then I got sick with the CMV infection and ended up in the hospital before Christmas...

   After I was discharged, Christmas and New Years passed, and things began to settle down, Benito copied my bronch disc and I put it in the mail to one of Cedars' lung transplant coordinators. I got a call from the coordinator only a few days later! He said that the whole team watched my bronch video and they feel like they can help me and that they've found a way for me to come in for a consult via pulmonary consult rather than a transplant consult because basically all of their departments contract with MediCal except their lung transplant program. So the plan was that I'd gather the list of medical records they want me to bring in with me, when I had all the records with me, I would call to schedule an appointment. 

I was able to get scheduled quickly for the full set of pulmonary function tests and 6 minute walk that they required I bring recent results of, then after those tests I walked over to my doctor's offices there in the hospital and was able to pick up a manila envelope full of all the other records Cedars had requested. That afternoon I called and told the transplant coordinator at Cedars that I had all the records they requested and I was ready to schedule the appointment! So they put me on the schedule for March 19th. I let my friend Mike know the date of my appointment because he had told me a few times already that he really wanted to be there at the clinic to support me when I got to meet with them.

So Benito and I left early in the morning (this last Thursday, March 19th) for our 7 hour drive to Beverly Hills, full of anxiety and excitement for this very important appointment that could quite possibly change our lives. We got to the clinic with maybe a half hour to spare (we gave ourselves 8hrs for a 6hr trip, but stopping for food and gas took quite a bit chunk of time!). My friend Mike met us once we got out of the elevator there at the clinic and he looked just as nervous and excited as we felt. So Mike points me in the right direction to sign in, introduces us to a friend of his that works there that had an amazing story about her father becoming a famed artist. Honestly, being able to listen to her story was a nice opportunity to breathe and take my mind off of my nerves for a few minutes. Before long my name was called and they took Benito and I back to get my vitals and put us in a room. A doctor (fellow) came in and talked to us about the history of treatment and intervention that's been done to my stenosis issue. He listened to my heart and lungs, then we discussed a little about the hurdles I've had with trying to look for a center for retransplant. Then he took my folder full of records and said he'd be back with Dr Chaux (the director of the lung transplant program there at Cedars). After a few minutes Mike walked in and sat with us until Dr. Chaux came in.

Dr Chaux introduced himself and said that he was able to look through my records as well as seeing the bronch video weeks prior. After reading the bronch notes that my doctor at UCD had written, Dr Chaux does not think that there is anything that Cedars can do as far as helping with my stenosis issue. He said that my doctor is already doing everything that he would do, so there's no point in coming all the way to LA to get bronched every three weeks when my doctor at UCD is able to keep doing them for me. So I asked him about retransplant... Did he think there was a way to get a second double lung transplant? Like I'd been told plenty of times before, my stenosis has gotten so bad that it does not leave enough space at all on my native airway to attach a right lung. (I'll attempt to attach a photo or a link to a video of the bronch so those of you who are curious and not grossed out by blood can see exactly what I'm talking about when I say there is no room.) I asked him if a single left lung transplant would be possible and he said that yes, I could get the left lung, but I would still have the problem with my right airway shutting down, causing the right lung to collapse and get pneumonia. That would put my immune system into overdrive, which could very well cause me to reject the left lung very quickly. So really it's not an option. As far as I knew, those were the only options out there and after he explained how each one of those options won't work, Benito and I were sure we had made the trip for nothing...

Then Dr. Chaux threw us a curveball and said that there is one more option for me and he would be willing to try and make it work... He wants to try and list me for a double lung and domino heart transplant. Basically, in order to attach a new set of lungs to me, it needs to still be attached to the heart, giving the surgeon more room to attach the heart and lungs in one piece onto my trachea, rather than attaching one lung at a time to the right and left main bronchi like a typical double lung transplant is performed. My heart is healthy (as far as we know anyway), so when I get a call for the heart/double lung transplant I'll be able to donate my own healthy heart to someone who is on the waiting list for a heart. Crazy, right?!? To be honest, as soon as Dr Chaux said I could be a donor at the same time I'm receiving my own transplant, I just knew that I wanted to do it. Being able to donate my heart to someone in need takes a lot of the scary out of a retransplant. Given the chance to give back and giving someone the chance to live again like I was given (and will be given again), I'm just so happy to be able to do it. This domino heart transplant bit is rare, but has been done before at a few hospitals throughout the country (per the research I've been doing on my own online). Dr Chaux admitted that he has not yet done this type of transplant at Cedars, but assured me that it HAS been done successfully at other transplant centers and he would be happy to give me a chance at it, especially since he can't offer me any other options there Cedars. 

So, whenever the heart is involved in a multiple organ transplant, say someone needs a liver or lungs very badly, and their heart is only beginning to fail, the patient would be listed as on the heart transplant waiting list, their second organ not taking priority because the heart Always takes priority. That being said, even though my heart is healthy, I will be listed on the heart waiting list and the fact that my heart is healthy puts me as a tier 2, very low priority. There is no other way to list me with my lungs being priority. Dr Chaux said my small size gives me an advantage because there are not as many smaller stature patients waiting for hearts as their are larger stature people. I also have a very common blood type, so that's in my favor. Dr Chaux expects me to be on the waiting list for "a year, give or take". Of course that does not mean that I could not get a call for transplant the day after I'm officially listed, if everything lined up just perfectly, or, I could be waiting much longer than a year... It's very hard to tell. What is very important to understand is that my lungs could ultimately fail me while I'm waiting for a call saying they have a heart and double lung donor for me. That's something I have to come to accept, but fight hard to stay as healthy as I can so I am still here to receive this amazing transplant and donate my own heart when the time comes. A very interesting fact about all of this is that how I understood it, the recipient of my own heart will be a patient of Cedars, who is waiting for their call for a heart while I'm doing the same (but mine will be coming with lungs!). This is so when the right organs are available for me, they will be able to have the heart only recipient on call and ready to receive my heart as soon as it's removed from my chest. This also means that there's a good chance my family will be sharing a surgical waiting room with the recipient of my heart... They not knowing their loved one's heart is coming from a living donor, but my family of course knowing. There are strict rules set up to make sure a recipient does not have personal details of his/her donor, and vice-versa. So, it will be quite amazing to see someone recovering from their heart transplant next door to me in the ICU, knowing my heart is beating in their chest. I know that at that moment, all the pain, struggle to breathe, stress and anxiety I've ever had in my entire life had been worth it because I gave someone else a second chance to live again. How many people get to say they were able to give someone their heart- literally? 

So our first step is to figure out financing. I've been assigned a very sweet and helpful financial counselor that is working with me to find an insurance that I can switch to that will be accepted at both Cedars-Sinai AND UC Davis Med Center. I will definitely need to continue the every three week bronch and laser at UCD to keep my right lung from closing up completely and causing my lung to collapse.

Some of you may already know this, but some of you may have probably been wondering WHY on earth Benito and I have been engaged for 4 1/2 years and haven't gotten married already?!? Well, the truth is that we were afraid to lose the insurance I currently have now (which covers All my hospital stays, procedures, tests, and medication) once my insurance began to figure in Benito's salary as my husband. So, we've been content on staying engaged and not fixing something that isn't broken. Now that I'm in need of a new insurance that Cedars accepts there is a very good chance that Benito and I will finally be able to marry and I'll transfer on to his work insurance. So that's what we're looking at for the time being... We're trying to get a list from Benito's health insurance rep that lists all the different insurance options his work gives him, then I'll have Cedars and UCD take a look at that list and tell me which ones they accept and then it should be as easy as picking out of the final list of insurance options that Both hospitals accept! Fingers crossed it's that easy... We all know how difficult dealing with insurance can be!

Once insurance is no longer an issue, Dr Chaux will refer me to Cedars' heart transplant doctor and that doctor will begin ordering tests to see if my heart really IS as healthy as we are hoping it is. If it is, they'll have me spend 3-4 days down there for a bunch of eval testing that if all goes well, will ultimately be my ticket to being listed there for their [and my] first double lung & domino heart transplant. Dr Chaux said that I'm welcome to stay living at my own home while I wait for my call (6-8hrs away from Cedars, depending on traffic), then after I'm discharged I'm given the choice to go back to my home or rent a place to stay for a couple months  that's close to the hospital. He said that as long as I made it to my once weekly transplant clinic I can live wherever I wanted. He even has patients who live in Colorado and Utah that fly in the night before, go to clinic early in the morning, then fly back home that afternoon. My only worry is how much I'll be able to stand the sternum pain while I travel back and forth. The 2mi drive from UCSF to the hotel my mom and I stayed at post transplant in San Francisco (10 1/2 years ago!) felt like the longest car ride with all the bumps on the road. It was so painful and squeezing a pillow only gave so much relief. For anyone that doesn't know, bone pain is Horrible. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Part of the reason why I have taken so long to get this blog update posted is because it was important for me to talk to my immediate family in person about it before they had to read it online. This is a very scary, but hopeful turn of events for us and I wanted to be able to see their faces and cry with them instead of hearing later that they cried alone while reading my blog. So I apologize for the long overdue update, but I also thank you for your patience and allowing me to spread this news the way I needed to.

There has been a lot of tears and hugs between Benito and I this last week, but I can assure you they are tears of relief and amazement. We have been so happy together all these years, but the years have also been filled with a lot of grief, worry, and pain. I can not wait to start a new chapter to our story and it be all about how much we get out and do things instead of spending our time watching every tv series Netflix has to offer, while eating dinner in bed because I'm not feeling good enough to do much of anything else. 

So to those of you who pray, please pray that my heart is healthy so I can be a heart donor, pray that we can find an insurance that is accepted at both hospitals and doesn't require huge copays that will put us in debt, pray for the donor who is right now living their life, completely oblivious to the fact that he/she will be the second hero to save my life. To those of you who do not pray, please send me your positive energy, and love. I've said it plenty before, but I'll continue to say it: I owe my life to you, my family, friends, nurses, doctors, respiratory therapists, and of course my fellow CF/transplant friends. Your love keeps me going and I promise I will never Ever give up on this miracle of life I was given twice so far. I love you all SO much!!!

I'll update again once I know more... In the meantime, please talk to your family and friends about organ and tissue donation and sign up to be a donor on the national organ donor registry if you have not done so already. Thank You!!! <3 div="">

www.donatelife.net

Ten years is something to celebrate!

Tomorrow is a big day for me... and for a family that I've only dreamed about meeting. Tomorrow will be ten years since my double lung transplant surgery. Ten years ago a family was having to say their goodbyes to someone they love, while I was hoping for the best, in my heart I was saying goodbye to everyone I love, completely unsure whether or not I'll ever see them again. During the past ten years I have not had a single day go by that I haven't thought about my donor and his/her family. I have periods of guilt and grief for the loss of this person I've never met, but over the years I've come to understand that that's always going to be a part of me and I'm okay with that. I'm alive today because someone chose to give the most selfless gift a person can give... When it was their time to leave this world, they wanted to be an organ donor and save lives. Turning a very sad, dark time into something bright and beautiful. It just so happened I was the incredibly lucky person who received this hero's lungs. Every breath I take is through their lungs, every word I speak is spoken with the air my donor is giving me.

Over the course of the last ten years I've had to learn how to manage this new life I've been given. Every transplant patient in waiting is told that having a transplant does not make you healthy again; you're actually trading one disease for another. That couldn't be more true. In some ways, having my CF lungs was easier because I spent my entire life with them... I knew all the tiny clues my body would give me when it was time for a tune-up (something we CFers call a hospitalization w/IV antibiotics and vigorous chest physio therapy). Little surprised me with my CF lungs. After my transplant I've had to learn what to look out for that could mean infection, rejection, and in my unique case, my airway collapsing. I've had to learn how to constantly watch everyone around me and recognize when I see someone with a little sniffle or a cough, and as politely as I could, make some distance between them and I.

In the last 10 years I've had a LOT of ups and downs with my health. I've been able to either overcome or learn to live with every difficulty that's come my way, from tachycardia, neuropathy, chronic lung pain, severe bronchial stenosis that requires balloon and laser intervention as often as every three weeks, to two occurrences  of chronic rejection, the list could go on for quite a while, but I won't bore you with all that. What I'd like to focus on is the ups I've been able to experience in the ten years since receiving my gift of life...


I took two semesters of ballroom dance lessons with Benito. I found something inside myself while I was learning the Waltz and Fox Trot... For the first time in my life I was good at and enjoyed a physically demanding activity without having to stop every minute or two so I could catch my breath. When I lost so much lung function with my first bout of chronic rejection, I had a hard time giving up dancing. Even now, with my 26% lung function you can catch me dancing the cha-cha or waltz with my dog or broom. Dancing became a real passion of mine and I look forward to taking classes again if/when I'm retransplanted someday.

I have been able to watch my niece Anna grow into a beautiful, intelligent young lady. She is a mini-me and it makes me so happy to talk about books with her. I've watched my nephew Tyson grow from a little baby to a big hearted, skateboard loving, little boy who does whatever he can to make an audience laugh. Two and a half years ago Benito and I got to welcome into the world our niece Maricela. She is so full of life and giggles that just spending 5 minutes with her will be enough to turn your bummer day into a great one. Benito and I are so blessed to have them in our lives.

This October Benito and I will be celebrating 6 years together. Due to all the craziness of my health insurance we can't get married any time soon, but that's okay. We bought our first home together 2 years ago and we feel pretty content with how things are between us. Don't get me wrong, when we figure out how to marry and still have full coverage insurance we can afford, we're going for it, but we don't feel like we're missing out on anything a married couple would have except shared taxes and a piece of paper.

Last month I finally worked up the strength and courage to write a second letter to my donor family. I wrote a letter when I was one year post, but I will never know if that letter ever made it to the family. The letter I sent last month was given to someone a friend put me in touch with who works on the recipient side of things, so she knows whom to get my letter to that will be able to pass it on to my donor family. In all honesty, writing that letter brought me a ton of peace and happiness. It's very important to me that ten years after the loss of their loved one, they know that I'm still alive and kicking, grateful for their loved one's gift.

I considered using this opportunity to update on my current health going-ons, but I decided against it, wanting this post to be purely about my 10 year Breathday. I'll post an update in the coming week with everything that's happened in the months since my last update. Just know that I'm home, I'm "stable", and I'm in pursuit of a hospital willing to evaluate me for retransplant.

The last thing I really wanted to say to all who read this is THANK YOU. In the time leading up to my transplant, the time I was living in San Francisco recuperating from my transplant, and all the time since, I've been blessed to have so many true friends and family help wherever they could. I could not have gotten this far without the love, support, and inspiration I received from those that love me. Thank you for these ten years of love, thoughts, prayers, and encouraging words when I feel overwhelmed and tired. I will Never give up while I have your love pushing me forward.

Bronch Photos

Attached is the printout of images that I was given yesterday after my bronchoscopy. If you get grossed out with seeing graphic photos of someone's lungs then do Not scroll down.
I thought it might help to send this so everyone gets an idea just how bad I am when I say that my breathing is tight. 
My right lung was completely closed off so I wasn't getting Any air to it for about a week. When it's closed off like this I'm literally only breathing with approx 12% lung function and with no supplemental oxygen, which I really need (the test to determine whether I need oxygen was done 3 days post bronch, when my airways were open, so they won't order oxygen for home). The scary part is that this complete closure is happening much more frequent and is becoming much harder to open back up. I still do not have an answer from UCSF whether or not they'll be willing to retransplant me.
I'm spending the day in bed sleeping or watching Netflix because my lungs hurt too much for me to move around. 

Still waiting...

My apologies for not having written an update in the past month. In all honesty, there hasnt been much to share. I had the bronch at UCSF on March 21st and I was happy to have the new lung transplant director be the one to do it so he was able to see for himself what my airway looks like. Today I finally heard back from my UCSF nurse coordinator about what they thought about my airway... Basically we still don't have a solid yes or no. The team brought up my case during a weekly meeting and the surgeon (who is a different person than the amazing Dr Charles Hoopes who did my first transplant) has never come across a patient with my unique circumstances which is my stenosis scar tissue issue, so she wants to do some research and speak to some other lung transplant surgeons about my situation next week during a national thoracic transplant conference. I'm really hoping that by Thursday of next week I'll have a firm yes or no and then we can finally move forward from there. I've been asked by a few people now whether I'll seek out another transplant hospital if UCSF tells me they aren't comfortable retransplanting me and the answer is absolutely Yes. Unfortunately Stanford hospital has turned me down for any type of care because I didn't get my first transplant at their hospital, but we still have options in Southern California that we can look into if need be. It would require us to relocate for a while, but we'll do whatever we have to do. We're really hoping UCSF will be my retransplant center because it's only a 2 1/2hr drive from where we live and I'm familiar with their hospital and routines already, but if they turn me down it'll be because they aren't comfortable retransplanting me with the risk outweighing the benefit. I definitely want a surgeon who is confident in the surgery she/he is agreeing to do!

As far as my current health is going, I'm happy to report that I don't think my lungs are declining very fast. I had the very large, sudden drop in Jan, but my lung function hasn't declined a whole lot since then. I did my 6 minute walk about a month ago and because it was done just 3 days after a bronch with laser I was able to do the entire 6 minute walk without supplemental oxygen. That's really great, but that doesn't reflect how my oxygen saturations drop in the weeks prior to a bronch. So it's a bit of a catch-22... It's great that my lungs are able to get some oxygen into my blood still, but when my stenosis is completely closed off and I'm only using about 20% of a single lung I'm not able to keep my oxygen sats high enough to keep me functional without getting lightheaded and feeling like my extremities are weighted down. So since I can't get supplemental oxygen ordered I have become much Much more home bound than I'm used to. I really only leave the house when I have a doctor's appointment or if Benito can talk me in to going out for dinner. I don't do any of our shopping anymore and have to get loads of laundry or small gardening tasks done over the course of a couple of days. It really sucks feeling so closed off from the world again and I just can't wait to feel Good again!

My appointment with the liver specialist is tomorrow morning and I'm so hopeful that she'll have an idea what's going on with me, or in the very least she'll know what tests to order so we can figure it out. The liver pain is almost always there now, but some days are worse than others. It skyrockets if any pressure at all is placed on my upper abdomen, so Benito has gotten used to not resting his arm on my stomach when we're sleeping. I think I've pushed his arm off me with enough force to scare him lol.

A little bit of exciting news is that Benito's sister and her husband visited us a week ago and asked Benito and I to be their cutie pie daughter's Godparents. We of course accepted and are very excited to be an even bigger part of our niece's life.

That's about it for now. I hope you're all having a great start to your spring!

A very long day, but my fight is still Stronger than this disease.

I started this as being just a Facebook post, but once I figured how long it was getting I figured I'd just include everything and post the same update on FB and my blog. I'm sorry for the multiple posts to those of you who follow me on here and Facebook.

As promised, here is a brief update on today's adventures at UCSF.

As we were told I had an appointment with one of the pulmonary tx doctors, I was also told that if time permits I may be able to see a few others from the lung transplant team. Admittedly, I know about 80% of the staff already from my past visits with my first transplant, but there are a few unfamiliar faces that I was hopeful to meet and put a name to. 

The single new face I got to meet today was one of their new social workers. She, Benito, and I had a nice long visit and got a lot of worries and questions out of the way. Yay! I am so extremely happy with this social worker... Unlike the previous ones I'd had, she really wants to be available and help however she possibly can. She may even be able to figure out how Benito and I can finally get married without me losing my insurance! SCORE!!! More on that at another time... The real reason for this update was to tell you about the retransplant option, not talk weddings (but still... YAY!!!). 

So the transplant pulmonologist sat with us for quite a while going over every possible health concern she or we had. Our biggest concern is whether or not I have enough room on my native airway to attach a new lung because my stenosis issue has made its way that high up my airway. So I go back in 2 weeks for a bronch and they'll take a look at that airway and see if there is enough space. If there is then we can move forward with the prep and testing to see if I'm eligible for retransplant. If there's not enough room, well, I don't know yet. I'm just hoping and praying that my stenosis hasn't left me with nothing to work with.

If all goes well after that, then our next step is to figure out what's going on with my liver. My dr wanting to ignore the problem is going to have to go ahead and order diagnostic testing, whether he thinks it's necessary or not. I Have to have a diagnosis before they'll consider me for retransplant.

Lastly, we need to figure out a better way of treating my acid reflux. For those that don't already know, acid reflux can lead to chronic rejection. It can be aspirated without even knowing it's happening and burn/damage lung tissue, causing chronic rejection to flare up. I'm almost convinced that this is the reason why I'm rejecting right now. While in the hospital they don't carry my usual acid blockers and I had some of the worst heartburn of my life during the past two hospital stays. It got to the point where I was having Benito sneak in my two acid blockers from home because they wouldn't let me give them my own bottles to dose me with and I was miserable.

So once these three obstacles are behind me I can begin the testing for the retransplant evaluation. Like I said, I have a Lot of stuff that needs to be done and out of the way before I'll know whether or not UCSF thinks I'm a good candidate for retransplant and will list me.

I'll try to keep you all up to date on any new developments, but until you see me post in all caps that I'm on the list, know I'm still working Hard to get to that point.

I appreciate the outpouring love and prayers I've been getting the past few weeks, especially today! Please keep it coming. Like I always say- You give me strength through the love you share with me. I may be on the verge of fighting for my life again, but I don't doubt for an instant that I am Blessed to still be here to share this incredible, crazy, Amazing journey of my life with all of you. I am So grateful for every single one of you. Love and Hugs!!

Here we go again.

Forgive me because I don't know where to begin this blog entry that I've put off for as long as I possibly can.

The last update left off just after I was discharged from the hospital with another week of IV Meropenem to finish up at home. 5 days after I was done with the IV antibiotic I had a CF clinic appointment in which I brought Benito with me and was preparing to have a serious talk with my doctors about how much I want to be more aggressive toward finding out what's going on with my liver and the trouble I've been having with my stenosis getting worse. What I wasn't expecting was the talk my doctor was planning on having with me.

I was happy to see the younger CF doctor that day because I've been butting heads with my other doctor lately and there was so much that needed to be said, by both sides, to get caught up in disagreements.

As always, I did my PFTs first and was shocked to see that they were down from my baseline of 34% to 26%.  When my doctor made is way in to see me, he acknowledged that the large drop in my PFTs was very worrisome and that he was also concerned with the amount of pain I was in with pretty much no relief with my pain medication. He then went on to tell me that he knew I wasn't stupid, and we all know that my disease is progressing and that now is the time to get in touch with UCSF again if I intended to get back on the transplant list for a second lung transplant. He decided that the best option was to go ahead and admit me that day and while I was in the hospital we could have the Palliative Care team consult and see if they can come up with a way to control my pain. I'll also get started back on IV meropenem and once I've been on the antibiotic for a few days then I'd get a bronch to open up my stenosis again (even though the last bronch was only 2 weeks prior). We were all hoping that we could blame at least some of the lost lung function on my stenosis being closed off again.

I had my bronch 3 days later and was very surprised to find out that my stenosis was wide open, in fact it looked as well as it did when they finished the last bronch. So what that told us is that I'm definitely losing lung function to rejection again. I have a feeling the complete closure of my stenosis and my right lung not getting any air to it for a good week a few weeks prior is what shocked my immune system into rejecting again. What's done is done though. 9 days after my PFTs in clinic I did another set in the hospital and I was down to 22%. I was discharged the next day with plans to get over to UCSF as soon as I can.

As far as the pain management goes, the Palliative Care team in the hospital was very nice and tried very hard to help my pain. We attempted a nerve block first with them injecting lidocaine on and around the area that I have the chronic lung pain, but the injections really only caused more pain.  They put me on a PCA (pain med delivered directly through my IV each time I press a button) after my bronch - the day before discharge in hopes of it bringing my pain to a level I can live with before relying only on oral medication. The PCA and oral med combo helped, but I was so sleepy and out of it. They sent me home on my old pain med at a 3x dose along with Oxycontin to give me more of a long term relief so I wouldn't have to take my other med as often. Unfortunately my insurance refused to cover the Oxycontin at discharge, so the discharge planner managed to get me 3 days worth that "should" last until the insurance issue got smoothed out. Three days later we heard back from my insurance and they declined coverage, so I was back to only my old med by that Tuesday (1 week ago now). It took me about 4-5 days, but I've been weaning myself back to my old dose of my old pain med because it really doesn't help, no matter the dose, so I'd rather take less (just to keep from withdrawl, really). I can't believe how sleepy and foggy I was for the past 2 weeks on the Oxycontin. I'm still finding out things I've seen (tv shows), said, or did while I was so dopey and can't remember doing them! I am grateful for the time my pain was lessened, but I REALLY don't like living in such a fog and would rather not. I [think] I was supposed to get in touch with the pain management team once I was discharged, but I can't remember who exactly I was supposed to contact. I'm hoping they can eventually find a medication that will both help my pain and Not make me feel like I'm drugged up and forgetful. The pain I have is in my right lung, so God willing, this pain will not be an issue once I get new lungs.

I got a phone call the Monday following discharge from the Pre Lung Transplant Coordinator checking in with me and letting me know that they are waiting for some test results to be sent over from UCD before they schedule a clinic visit/consult with one of their doctors. Yesterday I got a phone call scheduling the consult visit for March 6th @9am with one of the doctors I'm familiar with already. Today I got a chest CT with contrast done that UCSF is requiring me to bring a copy of to my visit. I went ahead and purchased a personal pulse oximeter that tells me my oxygen saturation whenever I need to know (it's super small and I can keep it handy in my purse for whenever I need to check my o2 sats). Today while I was walking from the hospital's parking garage to the radiology department I was getting especially short of breath and dizzy so I put the sat monitor on and was surprised to see my oxygen saturation down to 85%. Once I sat down and rested for even 30 seconds my sats came back up to 97-98% on their own, so that's good news, but the desatting is definitely upsetting. I'm not ready to admit to myself that I am as sick as I really am right now. I prefer denial to be honest because every time I allow myself to think about it, I panic and get very scared that I either won't be accepted as a lung transplant candidate again, or I will just run out of time waiting for the eval and listing to be done. I'm trying my best to stay positive, but it's not always easy when I feel so helpless just waiting around doing nothing to speed things along.

So Benito and I wanted to let our family know about my need for another transplant before I made it public on here or Facebook and they found out via social media. Now that our families know what's going on I wanted to share the news with you all and ask for your positive thoughts, prayers, and whatever else you feel can help me get the lungs I need before it's too late. My first transplant was scary, but this need for a second puts a whole new level to "scary". This decline is so much more sudden and it has shaken myself and my family to the core.

I'll update again as I hear more. I'm not sure I'll have any news to share until after my appointment on the 6th, so don't get worried if you don't hear from me before then. I'll update after that consult though... I promise!

Lots of love to you all. And a big THANK YOU for all the support and love you've shown me and continue to give. I couldn't do any of this without the strength I get through your love!

XoXoXo

The end of a rough year leads to a rough new year.

I've had a pretty tough few months, but the last few weeks have been a doozie. I've been complaining to my doctors via phone about having more and more trouble breathing, fevers rising, and my pain getting worse. Finally, just before my birthday I got a phone call back saying that they'd like to admit me because they thought I may have a virus (although my symptoms had been going strong for Weeks). I told them that I had a 4 night "getaway" planned for my birthday - New Years that I really needed to go to, even though I wasn't planning on anything more than laying around and just spending some time away from home with Benito. So we cancelled our plans because my doctor was supposed to call me on Saturday to discuss admit, but after not hearing from him, we decided to check and see if our reservation had been rebooked by someone else yet. Luckily the place was still open so we went ahead and spent 3 nights in the East Bay. We literally spent the entire time watching rented DVDs, sleeping, or just laying around talking, but we did it together and had a great time away from home for those few days.
Once we got home I called my clinic to see if I can go ahead and be admitted, but my nurse was out of the office until the following Monday (Jan 6th). So we spent the next few days preparing for an admit and Benito getting a lot of work done at his office.
I wasn't allowed to say anything before, but Benito was offered a management position at his office and his first day at Operations Manager of the entire production part of the company was Jan 2nd! I'm just so darned proud of him for all the heard work he's put in over the past 5 years. He's such a hard worker and just LOVES this company, so when the previous VP of the company decided to buy out the company from the family who started it 20+ years ago, he knew he wanted Benito to run production. It's all so very exciting now that we can actually tell people! We've had to keep this secret for nearly 3 months before the big announcement on Jan 2nd!

So I called my nurse on Monday morning (Jan 6th) saying that I really need to be admitted. CF clinic is on Mondays, so I knew it would be a while before I would get a call back about getting a bed. I spent the day making sure I had my ducks in a row... Bills paid, laundry done, library books renewed or ready to return, etc. Toward the late afternoon I took a quick shower and by the time I got toweled off I was Bright RED, shaking, and super weak. I pulled out all my equipment and took my vitals... My temp, blood pressure, and heart rate were high, while my oxygen saturation was at an all time low since transplant. I called my nurse again and left a voicemail letting her know the update. Within a few hours my dr called me saying that the hospital was full because of how hard the flu has hit everyone this year, but he's trying to get me a bed. If a bed didn't open up then he'd look into getting me in to a different hospital until I could be transferred. The ideal ward I prefer to be put at my hospital is the transplant ward... The nursing staff is extremely kind and so knowledgeable about all of my medications and needs while I'm in the hospital.

Fortunately by 6:30pm I received a call saying they had a bed for me at my hospital, unfortunately for me, that only open bed was on the orthopedic floor, not the transplant or even the CF floor. So Benito accessed my port at home before we left because the nurses on the Ortho floor are so unfamiliar with central lines and I don't like having to coach someone through something while I'm feeling so awful to begin with.

So we got to the hospital at around 8pm and ended up getting put on supplemental oxygen right away because my oxygen saturation was 91% on room air. It took a long time before my nurse was allowed to do anything beyond that because nobody knew who my doctor/hospitalist was and who to ask. So no orders got written for quite a few hours. Eventually they drew blood, got an xray, started me on IV Meropenem, and respiratory treatments every 4 hours.

What we know now:

My xray showed that my lower right lobe of my lung is shrunken up, but they can not hear ANY air moving throughout my entire right lung. We believe that the stenosis has completely closed off and has caused my lung to "collapse". Because donor lungs have a strong tendency to "glue" themselves to the recipient's chest wall with scar tissue, my lungs won't look like they've collapsed via an xray. They can't physically collapse while they're stuck to the chest wall, but it's giving me so much more pain than my usual lung pain. Attempting to take a deep breath is Very painful and I get a feeling not unlike trying to inhale through an empty balloon. Not comfortable.

Once my oxygen sats came up enough to where I could be taken off the supplemental oxygen there was no longer anything they were doing in the hospital that I couldn't be doing at home. I needed to come home. Most of the nurses on the orthopedic floor were very kind, but every night and day was a struggle with my medications. It got to the point that they were just having me skip the meds that they weren't sure of, so I ended up having some Awful acid reflux every night, which for a transplant recipient, it could mean rejection (yes, reflux CAN contribute to rejecting lungs). I had Benito sneak in my own acid blocker med that I normally take at home (by prescription, so no funny stuff) so I could get my reflux a little more under control.

So they got one last xray done and set me up with IV Meropenem to continue for another 2 weeks at home. I was told that my CF dr was going to speak to my other pulmonologist that does my bronchs and get a bronch scheduled for early the next week (this week). So on Monday I called my CF nurse to check in to see how that bronch was coming along... My dr did talk to my other doc, but he didn't tell him that I needed a bronch asap. :-/

So my nurse got in touch with my bronch pulmonologist and I got a call today saying that the soonest I could get scheduled was next Tuesday the 21st. I broke down and cried... There's no way I could wait another week in this amount of pain. She said my doctor is going out of town tomorrow and won't be back until Tuesday, but she'd call him and see if there was Anything we can work out. A little while later she said my doctor agreed to get me in for an early bronch at 8am tomorrow morning. Basically, his flight leaves at 10am and he's swinging by the hospital on his way to the airport so he can help me out before he leaves town. I can't tell you how much of a relief that is! I can't wait to be able to feel again what pain less than an 8 or 9 out of 10 feels like!

For over a month now I've been experiencing some strange new symptoms and they're continuing to get worse. I've had a Lot of itchiness that Benadryl doesn't help, ammonia smelling sweat (yes, very Gross!!), pain in my right upper abdomen, and some others that are a little too personal to share with you all ;-)

So I got blood work done and found out that my liver enzymes have been rising for a few months. It took a LONG time for me to get my doctor to agree to do any further testing, but he agreed to an abdominal ultrasound and a bunch of other blood tests. Everything is coming back negative, so we don't know what's causing my liver to act up, but during this past hospital stay I asked to be referred to a GI specialist so they can help me figure out what's going on (because my CF doctor told me he didn't want to "dwell" on it any longer). It's hard to just ignore all that stomach pain and constantly paranoid that you smell like ammonia... I'm grateful to be seeing someone soon who is familiar with liver issues and won't just ignore me.

I'm totally worn out, but I will try to get on here soon to tell you about what we've been discussing regarding retransplant. Basically the docs and I are worried that one of these bronchs with laser could go from routine, to life threatening because my doc can't see what he's burning once it all goes black with char and he could very easily hit an artery... Scary stuff, but something to think about.

I do hope you all are having a good year so far.

Until next time...

Brachytherapy- Take 2

Hello friends!

It has been about 6 months since I've posted an update, but there hasn't been a whole lot to share in that time.

I've gotten into a somewhat routine of going every 4 weeks to be bronched and having my right main bronchi opened. Due to an overgrowth of scar tissue my right main bronchi gets so small that my doctor can barely thread a tiny wire through it, so you can imagine how difficult it is to breathe through. When it gets that small my dr has to basically guess where the center is and makes a small slit so he can get the bronchoscope through the hole and then balloons it open as much as possible. Most times he'll then use a laser to burn away the scar tissue, which leaves me feeling pretty awful for about a week, then able to really BREATHE for a good two weeks before it begins to tighten back up again. It's a pretty frustrating roller coaster, but it's the only thing we've found that "works". We've tried putting in stents to hold the airway open, but because of the shape of the stenosis it doesn't want to stay put. Having a stent able to move from where it's intended to be can cause a whole lot of unwanted problems, including an increase of scar tissue and choking if it lodged itself sideways. So we've given up on trying to make a stent work. We tried freezing, but it actually made my airways even more inflamed, so we never tried that again. About 18 months ago my bronch / end stage pulmonology doctor got in touch with the radiation oncology team and we tried a brachytherapy treatment. Basically they did a 3 full minute blast of strong radiation directly on the stenosis hoping that the radiation would break down the scar tissue w/out hurting too much of my healthy tissue. It was a tough recovery, but I felt like it gave me a little more time before needing another bronch. My pulm doc wasn't convinced that it worked well enough to try it again, given that it's such a heavy dose of radiation to one specific spot, which increases my risk of lung cancer dramatically. So we never entertained that idea of brachytherapy again. In the last 18 months the time between my need for bronchs have gradually decreased from every 8, to 6, to now needing a bronch no later than every 4 weeks. By week 3 I'm usually struggling pretty bad, so this window of feeling "good" is shrinking.
On Friday I had an appointment with my bronch doctor. I wanted him to see me at my "best" because he only sees me awake for a few minutes prior to each bronch and I'm never feeling well at those times. I wanted him to see how "good" I can feel, and to discuss options to widen the gap between bronchs. After going back and forth about our lack of options, I brought up brachytherapy up again. Because we have zero other options at this point, he's willing to give brachy ONE more try, but he's not willing to do more than that because the risk of cancer I'd be bringing to myself. So he's going to get in touch with the radiation oncology team again and set up a two part treatment this time around. He wants to bronch me one day, then the following day do the first brachytherapy treatment, then no more than 7 days after that, a repeat brachytherapy treatment. He's hoping that a two part treatment will have better results and will continue to break down the scar tissue for a longer period of time. This is our Last ditch effort before we have to agree that the bronchs are our ongoing future of treating the stenosis. If you're a praying person, I'd really appreciate all the prayers that this method works so I don't have to continue this frustrating and scary roller coaster. I've begun having anxiety attacks when my airway is super narrow and I feel like I can't ever get enough air. Sleeping on 5-6 pillows then waking up with an anxiety attack is not my idea of a good night's rest, so I'm really counting on this brachytherapy helping me.

About a month ago, one week after a bronch I was feeling the BEST I have felt in as long as I can remember. I felt like my airway was completely open and I got to feel for the first time what 34% lung function feels like, which isn't all that bad! I have been feeling like I've been suffocating for a few years, but I realized last month that that suffocating feeling is mostly because of the stenosis, not my low lung function. I had NO idea I could still breathe that well to be honest. I thought I lost that feeling forever, but it just took a really good bronch to open things up well enough for me to fully breathe to my capacity. I took full advantage of those couple of weeks of feeling great and exercised on our elliptical every day, painted our dining room and kitchen, and got a lot of small jobs done around the house that have been put off since moving in a year ago. I had high hopes of feeling that great again after this last bronch I had about 10 days ago, but due to a sinus infection and feeling overall pretty blah, I haven't felt too hot this time around. I'm on a 10 day course of an oral antibiotic for the sinus infection, so I'm hoping that the fevers, headaches, and overall body aches go away soon enough so I can have a few days of feeling really good before my airway gets too tight again.

Benito turned 30 at the end of August, so we rented a car and drove to San Diego where one of this friends and his wife now live. They were wonderful hosts and we had such a blast during the 4 days we were there. We saw a Padres/Giants baseball game, saw a movie at the ritziest theater I have EVER seen let alone been in, enjoyed a beautiful sunset in La Jolla, and got to be tourists with some of the best tour guides! It was a trip we'll never forget and we're both hopeful to go visit again sometime soon. On our long drive home, we were lucky enough to meet up with a very long time friend of mine that I met on a CF forum about 10 years ago, but had yet to meet in person. The three of us had lunch and a very nice visit together. Mike is just as awesome in real life as he is over the internet.

That's it for now. I hope you're all doing well and enjoying the beautiful colors of fall! I just LOVE this time of year :-)

Michael Adams and I - meeting for the first time after 10 years!

Great Strides 2013

This year's Great Strides walk was a huge success!!
Although I was still recovering from a bronch only 3 days before and I was feeling pretty darned sick with kidney/liver issues, I still managed to make it to the walk. I didn't walk this year, but stayed back with my mom and a fellow CFer friend of mine and waited for my team to walk for me. The Iron lungs raised around $3,500 this year that is going directly toward research for a cure for this awful disease! A big THANK YOU to all who donated and/or walked this year! Here is a link to my Picasa album of all the pictures we took at the walk!

Great Strides 2013 Photos

Life happens in between blog posts

Howdy! I can just imagine your eyes have bugged out in complete SHOCK to see that I have posted an update to my blog. Please blink a few times and continue reading...

6 months since my last update... Wow!

First off, I have to tell the world that I am in LOVE with our new home! I'm still in shock every time I wake up in this beautiful home. Being a homeowner had always been a dream, but I had no idea I would love it this much! The flowers that I planted in January are now starting to bloom and have made our home even more beautiful. I walk around outside just about every day to admire the blooming flowers that I planted or that the previous owner had planted and are just now showing their beauty. Once we got the essential living things unpacked, organized, and decorated, we kind of stopped cold with painting and doing all the things we had planned on doing once we moved in. It's just so nice to be able to relax in your own home and not be rushed to paint the spare bathroom, ya know?!? Another huge plus to our move is that we have made some amazing friends that just so happen to be neighbors. These two couples are so caring and generous that there have been a few times where after a bronch or when I'm just not feeling well, these couples would bring over a home cooked dinner for Benito and I. At one dinner, the couple went as far as bringing paper plates and plastic cups so we wouldn't even have to worry about clean-up afterward. We feel so blessed to have found such amazing people to call friends.

The last time I updated I had talked to my doctor about planning on getting things in order for when the need to be re-listed for transplant came to a head. Since then I have been on a roller coaster of whether or not the drop in lung function is due to chronic rejection coming back or my stenosis causing more problems than usual. Just this last Monday I had CF clinic and blew a 36% fev1 with my PFTs! So we came to the exciting conclusion that my 10% drop in lung function is purely because the stenosis gets SO closed up (literally pin sized). What a relief it was to see my PFTs back up to my previous baseline! So now as far as retransplant goes, I'm in no rush to get re-evaluated and put back on the list for a second transplant. We still need to be hyper aware of any changes, so if/when the times comes where I need to be listed quickly, I'll be ready. In the meantime, the ongoing issues with the stenosis is my main struggle. I have already had 4 bronchs this year to open up my airway and it seems that each time I go in to have it opened, it's closed off even more than the time before. I wish there was a long term solution to the problem, but for now the only thing we can do is continue to go have the airway lasered open once I feel like it's gotten too narrow.

Now, on to the latest news that I wanted to share:

A week ago I had my annual dermatology appointment where they check me head to toe for anything suspicious that could potentially turn into skin cancer. Being on the immunosuppressive drugs for 8 1/2 years now, plus the 15 months of photopheresis treatments I did has made me much more prone to cancers, especially skin cancers, so I have to be very aware of any changes in my skin. I have had about 6 or 7 pre-cancerous spots frozen off, but nothing serious has ever come up. During the visit last week I told the dermatologist that the spot they have previously frozen 3 times just comes right back every time, so she took a biopsy of it just to be on the safe side. Five days after the biopsy I got a call from the dermatologist herself saying that the biopsy tested positive for squamous cell carcinoma, the second most common forms of skin cancer. She gave me two choices, I could: A) have the skin surrounding the carcinoma cut away, then stitched up to close the large opening. This will most likely cause a large scar and because of the stitches, has a larger potential of infection. Or, I could: B) do a scrape and burn procedure where they would scrape scrape scrape, then burn the site with a 1,200* cauterizing tool, and repeat these steps over and over with the last round of scrapes being sent to pathology to make sure it was cancer cell free. I couldn't care less about the scar, but the increased risk of infection with stitches made me choose the scrape and burn method. I have the removal scheduled for next Friday, April 19th. My father and his wife had a little girl that was diagnosed with cancer at 1 year and later passed away at 5 years old, so the big C word is terrifying in my family. I made sure to try and break the news of this skin cancer gently to my family before making it public, so I could explain the best I could about the risks and treatments before they could think the worse. I'm very optimistic that I won't have to worry about this specific spot again after the removal next week. I will however be much more aware of any spots that come up and will insist that my dermatologist biopsy anything that continues to come back after two freezings.

Lastly, the most exciting news to share is that since my last update I celebrated a very important birthday... I turned 30!! Growing up with this nasty disease and watching so many of my friends pass away because of it, I never imagined I would still be here to see 30 years old, but here I am!! Happier now than I ever have been, too! :)
Here's to another 30 years!!!

Here are a few photos of the skin cancer on my arm. Everyone needs to be super diligent with their sunscreen when they are out and about! The majority of my spots I get are on my forearms and hands and I can only imagine it's because that's where I'm most exposed while driving. I'm going to be much better about applying sunscreen before driving!

Picture 1) pre-biopsy

 

 Picture 2) five days post biopsy. My dermatologist thinks that it's healing so much slower than even my norm because the cancer cells won't allow it. Hopefully once they remove ALL the cancer cells it will heal quickly.

Before I end this update, I want to add that I'm very excited to be leading a team at the Great Strides walk for the third time on May 18th. If you're interested in joining my team, or donating toward my walk then PLEASE visit my Great Strides page! You can find my page by clicking on the Great Strides banner link on the upper right hand side of my blog. Thank you!!

Reposting: My Story

I wrote this the night before my 2nd Transplant anniversary. 6 years later I thought I'd share it again... It brings back so much emotions and memories every time I re-read this...


At this very moment 2 years ago I was in my mother's car being driven at what felt like warp speed to a hospital three hours away where I was supposed to be given my second chance at life. I'd hugged and said goodbye to my best friend for possibly the last time. Called my sister and told her I loved her and her kids and even had a small panic attack while trying to calm the rest of my family by telling them it's all going to be alright (even though I was so uncertain with my own words).

I'd prayed for this day to come for a year. Each day learning everything I could about transplant and the life I could have with new lungs. I wanted to know what it was like to breathe. To not wake up every single morning unable to stand up because I was so short of breath from a coughing fit. What was it like to sleep with One pillow instead of six? To not revolve my day around breathing treatments and little windows where I felt good enough to get a quick shower, or fix myself a quick snack. Oh to not be so dependent on others to take care of me!! The possabilities I had for what looked like more of a future than I'd ever dreamed of. I had so much plans for myself and couldn't wait to get started!

So, while watching television (Everybody Loves Raymond to be exact) on a Friday night I received a phone call on my cell from an "unknown" caller. I quickly answered it and on the other line was a man's voice (which soon after this point became my hero) telling me calmly that he had a set of beautiful lungs for me if I was interested. I had to have him repeat it.. All of a sudden my ears started to ring and I couldn't understand the words being spoken to me. After he repeated himself he asked if I was interested. Was I interested? It's too soon. I'm not ready... But the only thing that came out of my mouth was YES. He gave me instructions where I needed to be, and to be there by 1am to be checked in. I got his pager number, his cell phone number and another number to his office. If I needed to call for ANYTHING, I had a way to find him.. My surgeon; My hero.

I got to the hospital by 12:30am, checked in and into my new room to wait by 12:45am. Everything happened so quickly after that with the pre op tests, questions and the wardrobe change. After all that was done it was time to wait.. Boy did we wait. Every hour or so the nurse would come in and tell me and my family that it shouldn't be much longer until the OR is ready for me.. Finally at 8am Saturday, September 25th I was being wheeled into the O.R. I told my family one last time I loved them and with a smile on my face and my heart beating almost out of my chest I said goodbye to them quietly, without them knowing.

I woke up the next day in the ICU with my dad looking over me. His first response was yelling to whomever else was in the room that I was awake. By that evening my ICU nurses already had me sitting on the edge of the bed. The next day I was in a chair and from then on I was either in the chair or walking the halls unless it was bedtime and only then was I allowed in my bed. I definitely had a love/hate relationship with those nurses, but in all honesty I couldn't have asked for better angels looking out for me. After a few complications and 12 days after my surgery I was ready to be discharged and move into what would be my new home by the beach for the next 6 1/2 weeks.
I was so homesick while living in that hotel. There isn't words to discribe just how much I wanted my own bed and my friends to visit with, but somehow time passed and on the night before Thanksgiving I was packed up and on my way home with my mom. With the car packed as tight as it could possibly be I asked my mom to stop by my best friend's house before going home. I called her from my cell and told her how much I missed her and wished I could be home to spend Thanksgiving with them. Meanwhile I was walking up her doorstep without her knowing. I rang the doorbell and on the phone I told her "ding dong". Her father answered the door and he and I just grinned at each other... She was in her room squeeling with every bit of happiness that could come from her tiny body! She ran out and gave me a huge hug. Oh what a wonderful feeling to be home! To have my people around me again.. Surely all of this crap I'd gone through had been worth it if I get to have a little extra borrowed time to spend with the people I love. I will never forget what my friend sent as a text message to me that very night before I'd gone to bed.. "You brought the holidays back with you" That love is what I fought so hard to keep, what I still fight so hard for.

So, two years later and I feel amazing. I'm not feeling perfect, but I can't expect that. I wouldn't be here right now writing this if I hadn't had the opportunity to be given two new beautiful lungs from the donor who gave one last time to a complete stranger. I spend each of my anniversaries both thrilled to still be here, but also grieving for the loss of this wonderful person who saved my life. I hope to someday get a chance to meet the family of my donor and tell them how much their child/husband/wife means to me and not a day goes by where I don't thank them for this second chance.

I do not know why I wrote this blog, but I've felt the overwhelming need to talk to my donor and obviously I can't. I figured instead I could tell my story a little and possibly get others to consider talking to their families about becoming donors. I have a dear dear friend who is waiting for his transplant, but there are just not enough people who make it known they are donors, so too many life saving organs are not used to help people like my friend. If you want to be a donor, tell your family and go to http://www.donatelife.net/http://www.donatelife.net/">http://www.donatelife.net/
> and find out how to sign up on the national organ donor registry. It doesn't work if you just put that pink dot on your drivers license, your family members can over-ride that.
Thank you for reading my story and I apologize for it being so long. Oh, and yes, I sleep with One pillow now = )

Happy 8th Breathday to me!

This time 8 years ago I was on my way to San Francisco to undergo a life changing [and do I even have to add "saving"?] transplant. I can't believe it's been 8 years!

I have been reminded lately by quite a few people that I'm a lucky woman... Not too many people have been given a second chance to live like I have. One person in fact actually went as far as to say "8 years is a good run, you should be happy with that", as if I should just be content with the 8 years I've been given and not wish for more. Of course I want more! It's the want for more, the need to keep living that's kept me alive this long and I don't plan on being "happy" with anything less than a full and Long life. I deserve that as much as the next guy, right?

So I had CF clinic today and my doctor talked a little about retransplant. My PFTs were down to 26% a month ago and after 2 bronchs I'm only up to 29%, so he's thinking that I'm not just dealing with the stenosis anymore... He's suspecting that I'm in a slow rejection and it's time to start revamping my "resume" for transplant. What I mean by that is that I need to do all I can to make a transplant center WANT to transplant me. Yes, I'm a very compliant patient already, so no worries there. We need to start babying my kidneys, be one step ahead of any possible skin cancers, etc. Basically I need to make sure everything is as healthy as I can get it so a transplant center won't be worried about the rest of my body having problems after another transplant.

On to better news, shall we?

It's been a little over 4 weeks since we got the keys to our new house! We have been extremely busy every day unpacking, painting, organizing, cleaning, etc. We said goodbye to lazy weekends when we got our offer accepted and haven't had a single lazy weekend since! We're excited to be throwing our first little get-together in our new home this coming weekend. It's going to be a small shindig to celebrate our housewarming, Benito's belated birthday (we didn't have time to do much celebrating with the move), and my Breathday (transplant anniversary). We still have so much to do before we're ready for people to see the house, but hopefully we get it all done before the weekend and with time to spare!

I think that's about it for now. I'm sorry I don't update my blog too often, but I'm sure you can understand why ;)

I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying the beginning of a beautiful autumn!

Whoa! August 1st already?!?

I've come out of my cave! I'm so sorry I haven't written an update in 4 months. I hope you can forgive me!

Let's see...

Since I've last posted, I've been keeping pretty busy and have definitely had my ups and downs with my health. On May 19th I got to lead a team at the Sacramento Great Strides walk! This was my second year leading a team, but this year was so much more fun! For starters I found a wonderful shirt printing business locally that donated their services to print team shirts for all of The Iron Lungs (our team name). This was the first time I've ever been able to provide shirts for my team, so it was so awesome to see all the people walking around wearing our team logo. We had 28 walkers this year on The Iron Lungs, 15 more than the last time we walked (2 yrs ago). I can't tell you how much it warms my heart to see my friends and family (and Benito's co-workers) gather for such a worthy cause. We had a goal set at $3,000 overall for the team, but we surpassed our goal and raised a whopping $4,070.00 making this our most successful year yet! I'm so grateful for all those on my team and can't wait to do it all over again next spring! (See above photo of MOST of our team! The family of my dear friend Kristina Love (whom passed away last fall) walked with us and made up shirts of their own saying "Love for Leah"!

On July 6th I did my last photopheresis treatment! The protocol is a total of 30 treatments and as of July 6th I'm free of the strict schedule of getting my blood tanned ;) My doctor had mentioned a few months ago the possibility of doing some sort of maintenance schedule once my 30 treatments were up, but he has yet to set that up. I'm so extremely grateful that he was willing to try photopheresis on me when nobody else was willing to treat my rejection. I'm now in "remission" and am happy to see my lung function stable again. To clarify, because I get asked a lot how much lung function I've gained back, once someone has chronic rejection (and especially for how long it went untreated in my case) the damaged tissue is no longer viable. I will not get that lost lung function back, no matter how hard I tried, but what photopheresis DID do was STOP the progression of damage done to my lungs by my immune system. I'm currently stable at 33% lung function (fev1) and 10% small airway function (fef25-75). I really couldn't ask for more of a response from the photo treatments.

Now, what most of you don't know is that Benito and I have been looking since late winter for our first home. Over the course of about 5 months we've seen countless houses and even put offers on 6, yes 6 homes! 5 of those offers were not accepted because of different reasons. We waited as patiently as we could and the right home finally came along. The 6th offer was accepted and we've since been doing all the inspections, paperwork, etc. to get into our first home! Our close of escrow is only 2 weeks away and we really couldn't be more excited. I've had the pleasure of meeting the seller and am even more confident that this is the right home for us now that I see how absolutely sweet this woman is. She's doing everything she can to make sure this home is ready for us to move into by fixing all the necessary issues before we even have to request them to be fixed. What a huge weight off our shoulders to know the home is in the best possible condition before we move into it!

So, the home is 1,299 square foot. 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms. GREAT covered patio in the backyard that is just begging for us to barbeque under! I just can't wait to move in and make this home OURS. I can't wait to give Roxy (our dog) a backyard to play in! The neighborhood is absolutely wonderful and I even had the opportunity to introduce myself to a few neighbors at a yard sale that was going on the same day I was there for an inspection! I can't wait to have neighbors that I can associate with and even borrow a cup of sugar from when needed ;)

My health is so-so. I'm still having problems with my breathing being too tight and wheezy, and my pain level fluctuates dramatically for no reason I can figure out. I'm just trying to ignore as much of the bad days as I can and focus on the good ones. I've had 3 bronchs since my last update. Although I felt like the brachytherapy treatment that my dr did on me in March made me feel better than I had in a very long time, it did not last as long as my dr had hoped, so he's skeptical to try it again just yet. He mentioned wanting to try and remove the existing stent I have in my right main bronchi that has fallen lower than my stenosis, but he and my CF doctors are hesitant to do that because of the risk of blood loss. That stent has been there for about 4-5 years now and scar tissue has grown all around it, so removing it is now quite a dangerous task that would require the operating room, general anesthesia, and a cardio-thoracic surgeon to perform. I'm not so sure removing the stent and replacing it with another will help my breathing, but I'm curious if it would help my pain because my pain is always in the exact same place, which also happens to be where you can feel the stent "buzzing" when I breathe. I don't think that is as coincidental as my doctors want to believe. I'm pretty sure the pain I feel has a lot to do with the stent and am considering having the stent removed purely for that reason. We'll see though... The possibility of having to have an emergency lobectomy because of tearing during removal scares me enough to really think about how necessary it is.

So that's that. Nothing else really new going on. I hope everyone is having a wonderful summer!!

Hugs & stuff :D

Just a real quick update to let you all know that I got the biopsy results back from the dermatologist. The freckle they removed was benign and nothing to worry about! It had a few days where it was getting infected, but it's starting to look a lot better and doesn't hurt so much to put pressure on it. We're huge SilverSol fans in this house... It's better than Neosporin!

I'll post again when something new and/or exciting happens!

Take care :)

Two and a half weeks later...

Hola!

So I know I said I would update after the brachytherapy, but I was expecting to be doing this sooner than 2 and a half weeks after the fact... Sorry about that! I'm sure you can tell that I'm awful about getting on here and updating, so I'm sure you are not too surprised to see that I wasn't on here updating as soon as the treatment ended.

Well, the brachytherapy procedure itself went really well. I was there for about 7 hours, but most of that time was recovery time and visiting with the EXCELLENT nursing staff in between CT scans and threading attempts. They ended up using a "good sized" amount of radiation in a total of 3 whole minutes. Kind of a blast of radiation in a short amount of time. The idea is that it would be enough to not need to have to go back and do it again at a later date... Hopefully all the stenosis will be radiated and break down. So far so good! Don't get me wrong, I had a very rough 10 days or so after the brachytherapy. I don't know if it was coincidental that I caught some awful stomach bug the evening of the treatment, or my body had some strange reaction to the radiation, but I spent nearly 12 hours being horribly nauseous and vomiting what seemed like continuously. I was discharged from the recovery with instructions to take my oral pain med and my anti-nausea med (Phenergan) once I got home; yeah, that didn't happen. I couldn't keep anything down, so 3 hours of continuous vomiting later Benito drove me back to the hospital so I can be seen in the ER in hopes of them starting an IV and giving me something through that to stop the vomiting and control my pain. Everyone knows that being post transplant you expect to be high priority when visiting the ER and should be taken straight back to avoid all the sickies. We post transplantees avoid the ER at all costs, so it's a big deal if we are seen in one. Well, after 4 hours sitting in the ER waiting room being told "you're next" and watching my blood pressure rise by the hour (surely because of my pain increasing w/out being treated) we decided to just go home and hope that the nausea lets up enough to where I can deal with it myself. It ended up letting up enough later to where I could hold down the Phenergan and later on I attempted and succeeded to hold down my pain medicine. It's really too bad it got that bad though and without the help I needed. (It is NOT fun to vomit continuously for almost 12 hours! Talk about a migraine!!)

So here I am about 2 and a half weeks later and I THINK so far my airway is staying pretty much open. I still get wheezy, but my breathing is overall staying okay. When I go outside in the cold air I can still feel my airway tightening, but I started taking an allergy medication that may help with the asthma as well, so fingers crossed that helps that problem.

I had a full set of PFTs done on Wednesday of last week and my fev1 (lung capacity) is up to 35%, with my FEF 25-75 (small airways) at 10%!! That's about a 2% increase, so yay!! My PFTs have honestly not been this high in over a year, so this is really good news.

On Thursday of last week I had a Dermatology skin screening. Since I'm on immunosuppressant’s every day of my life and now that I'm doing the Photopheresis treatments my risk for skin cancers are much higher than a "normie" (non-transplantees). I've had a few suspicious spots on my hands and arm that a Dr froze with a liquid nitrogen gun a few months ago, but it was definitely time to get a full body scan done by a "professional". They went ahead and froze a spot on top of my right hand that has been problematic for a while, a spot on my chest that showed up about 3 months ago, and a spot on my right cheek (sideburn area if I were a man) that just popped up about 2 weeks ago and has since doubled in size. They called these Pre-cancerous Squamous Cell spots. If the spots come back I'm supposed to let them know and we'll try freezing AGAIN. Otherwise they saw a dark freckle on the bottom of my left foot (in the arch area, so luckily I'm not putting pressure on it) and decided to go ahead and biopsy and remove it right there in clinic, no warning whatsoever. To say I was nervous would be an understatement. As it turned out the only part that hurt was the lidocaine shot they gave me to numb the area first. Then they scraped away the freckle and put it into a little specimen cup and followed up by cauterizing the hole in my foot. I should get the results to the biopsy within the next week or so. Attached is the rad photo of what it looked like the next day when we put a fresh band aid on it. Cool, huh? ;)

On a side note, the excellent nurse who was in charge of my care at the Radiation Oncology dept during my brachytherapy treatment called me two days after the treatment to follow up and see how I was doing. He said that he saw that I had been waiting since September for a referral to go through and have an appointment made for the pain management clinic. So after about 6 months waiting (and 3 referrals put in by 2 different doctors) this nurse who barely knew me was able to call on my behalf and get them to set me up with an appointment! I got a phone call the following day from the pain management clinic ready to set up an appointment! The soonest they can get me in is mid-April, but I'm still so happy to have an appointment! Jean (my rad-onc nurse) is going to get a giant Thank You card when I go back in for a follow-up appointment! He did the impossible for me and I'm so extremely grateful. I'm so so SO tired of being on pain medication that only works about half the time; I'm really hoping that these doctors can help come up with an idea on how to treat my chronic pain w/out medication. My goal is to eventually wean off of the medication and NOT need it, so wish me luck! I'm kinda interested in accupuncture, so we'll see what these drs have to say about it.

That's about it! I'll update when / if anything new comes up!


Meanwhile, be nice and don't do anything I would do! :D